Natty Gets Mad

Dear mom and aunt Dana,

Let me remind you both that you are replaceable. I can pay the rent here with my smile and the charm of my kittenish meow, alone. And your interior decorating? It’s questionable at best. I don’t know why you cover up so many luscious corners and crevices. Clearly you don’t get the joy of running your fur up against a nice slice of baseboard—your loss.

You two think you’re so cute making me speak like you know what’s fluttering through my little cat mind. Little do you know that I’m enrolled in Community Cat College and am in the process of studying pop culture and philosophy while writing my thesis on the depiction of felt toy mice in modern media. Yeah, I’m busy when I’m hiding under my mom’s bed; and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop assuming I’m snoozing all day.

I’ll tell you what else is unacceptable: company. Be it the furry or human kind, it’s really inconsiderate. You think you can just lock me away in mom’s room because someone’s ‘allergic’. What a terribly anti-social excuse. Oh, and they can even sneeze on command! Wowww, well take that talent to the bank because those are skillz that will pay the billz. NOT.

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Oops, my typing is a little off. QUIT LAUGHING. STOP. I’m done here. The ridicule is too much to bear. Just know that I’m watching you while you sleep. Seriously, I am, and I want to play, so grab my strand of beads and let’s go lazybutt.

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